A Chaplain’s Thoughts: A sacramental marriage is worth it
By Rev. James F. Quigley, O.P. ’60
Associate Chaplain, National Alumni Association
Catholic sacramental marriages, between two baptized Catholics or between a Catholic and baptized non-Catholic, have dropped off considerably in the United States and other Western countries. So has marriage in general. A recent study suggests some reasons: Delayed adulthood, divorce rates, economic pressures, cohabitation, disengagement with Catholic practice in general, destination ceremonies, fear of commitment, and poor relational skills among them. Not so long ago, sacramental weddings on our Providence College campus were frequent, almost most weekends of the year. They no longer happen as often.
The Jewish Talmud, the first five books of the Hebrew Bible, speaks about marriage. The Yiddish word bashert means destined. It can refer to one’s soulmate, life partner, one’s other self, the divinely chosen person you marry. Catholic theology speaks in terms of divine providence, God’s eternal plan for each of us. A man and woman meet, fall in love, marry, and that is divine providence; that is bashert.
In Catholic marriage, a man and woman freely surrender themselves to each other before God. This act of commitment is a gift from the deepest level of life, the deepest level of being. A couple promise each other that from this day forward they will love each other, they will live for each other, they will be for each other. This promise will be part of their identity, it will be how they define themselves. They will be a husband and a wife. Each gives their word that they will be there with and for each other day after day, week after week, year after year.
To do this takes courage; it is a calculated risk. A couple does this only because they have discovered the beauty, the goodness, the holiness of each other. They take this risk because they put their hope and trust in God. Victor Hugo wrote, “To love another person is to see the face of God.” St. John tells us, “Those who abide in love abide in God and God abides in them.” St. Thomas Aquinas defines love as “doing good to another.”
In sacramental matrimony, a husband and wife wed each other and wed themselves to do physical, psychological, intellectual, social, and spiritual good to each other. Married love has God’s fingerprint all over it. It is just like the love that Jesus Christ has for us. He has said, “Love each other as I have loved you; there is no greater love than to give one’s life for a friend.” Catholic marriage is a lifelong unbreakable covenant that mirrors Christ’s love.
Looking for this kind of love, looking for this kind of marriage, a couple freely chooses a Catholic wedding, a sacramental wedding.
