September 08, 2023
A Chaplain’s Thoughts: ‘Don’t Get Married’
By Rev. James F. Quigley, O.P. ’60
Associate Chaplain, National Alumni Association
Don’t get married.
That’s what much of today’s culture tells us. It seems a good number of eligible young men and women are following that advice. One statistic I saw claims that 40% of men and women between ages 25-40 believe that marriage is an outdated tradition or that it is not necessary to have a happy relationship. Another stat says that more than one-third of young adults in their 20s will never marry. A Catholic group, Witness to Love, claims that the number of sacramental marriages in the Catholic Church has plummeted and that many young Catholics are not getting married or staying married.
As a Providence College professor and chaplain, I have happily over many years witnessed lots of Catholic Church weddings as well as mixed religion marriages (Catholic and Protestant, Catholic and Jewish). Those occasions have been wonderful expressions of love between a man and woman and God. The sacrament of marriage was truly a prayer for God’s blessing, care, protection, and love. A couple publicly asked the Lord Jesus Christ to be part of their married life.
Why are there fewer weddings in the Church? One reason is that many young women and men, baptized Catholics, no longer go to church. The person of Jesus Christ is not part of their life. The Church, flawed as it can be, is simply not relevant. And this is happening even after a Catholic education and coming from practicing Catholic families. Someone has opined that today “God has no grandchildren.”
Some Catholic parents are broken-hearted that their children no longer consider themselves Catholic and they ask, “Where did we go wrong?” They worry that will God punish their children or them. “Will grandchildren be baptized?” “What happens at family events like first communions, funerals?” “Will the children attend?” “If I bring up the issue, will I lose my children?”
I have no quick answers for some of these issues, facts, events. I would, however, like to offer some modest thoughts about what is going on in our Catholic life here in the United States. I will stay with this topic for a time in coming issues of River & Eaton.
A first thought is that some young Catholics might move away from the Church, because, in fact, their parents never really practiced or encouraged a Catholic religious commitment. In my experience that is not the usual case. Rather, parents I know are upset at the direction their children take religiously and tend to blame themselves and feel guilty. My advice to them is that what is happening is not their fault. They should not beat themselves up. They did what they could, gave good example, and now their children are freely disengaging, and they — the children — are responsible for their decisions, not parents. And I try to comfort these parents, support them, encourage them, and pray with them for their children.
If you would like to send me a prayer request, the Dominicans will pray with you. Send a request for those who no longer come to Mass, for those who have left the Catholic Church, for those who no longer believe in God. Write a first name or first initial of a family member or friend and email: jquigle2@providence.edu.
