March 05, 2024
A Chaplain’s Thoughts: Gratitude
By Rev. James F. Quigley, O.P. ’60
Associate Chaplain, National Alumni Association
She was a tiny old woman when I met her. I had been at Mass in Rome for the profession of vows for a group of young Missionary of Charity sisters. After Mass, we moved to the sacristy and she came in to thank me for attending the celebration. I was delighted and moved to meet Mother Teresa. I have quoted her in a number of homilies, but my favorite is a story she told at the National Prayer Breakfast in 1994. “One evening several of our sisters went out and we picked up four people from the street. One of them was in a most terrible condition. So I told the other sisters, ‘You take care of the other three; I will take care of this one who looks the worst.’ So I did for her everything my love could do. I cleaned her and put her to bed … she took hold of my hands and said two words in her native language, Bengali: ‘Thank you.’ Then she died … It means that even those with nothing can give the gift of thanks.”
Bishop Robert Barron, in his book The Priority of Christ, points out that gratitude is a debatable topic. Some philosophers contend that gratitude disguises a system of obligation and dependence. Such thinkers see gifts as economic exchanges. I give you a gift and then you owe me a return. In this view, the human person is primarily an economic animal. You get what you pay for, you get what you deserve. Gratitude is a kind of indebtedness or manipulation. St. Thomas Aquinas sees it differently. Giving thanks, or gratitude, is a virtue, a good habit, a moral disposition. It is the right thing to do freely, a character trait that expresses appreciation for a gift or favor. Someone may give a gift for many reasons, but ideally out of goodness, generosity, esteem, and love for a beneficiary. Thanks comes from the heart for the gift.
Aquinas likes to say that there are three phases to the virtue of gratitude. First, the gift ought to be accepted and recognized. Then, thanks ought to be voluntarily expressed. Finally, the goodness, the generosity of the benefactor, imitated. What you receive as a gift give as a gift. The virtue then can breed a whole cycle of gift giving which ripples out connecting persons. It shifts focus from what a person does not have to what has been given and to all those who have been generous. It provokes a kind of reverence for the giver. So a gift is not for sale. The comedian Woody Allen loved to shock people by taking a valuable watch from his pocket to check time. He would say it was an old family heirloom that his grandfather sold him on his deathbed.
Aquinas adds a few other notes to gratitude. You thank persons, voluntarily, freely, with reverence and respect. You give thanks at the right time and it is never too late to say thank you. Chesterton said somewhere: “The aim of life is appreciation; there is no sense in not appreciating things; and there is no sense in having more of them if you have less appreciation of them.”
Gratitude can be a very healthy way to live morally, physically, and psychically. Father Charles Shelton, S.J. has written a thorough and helpful book, The Gratitude Factor. He points out that gratitude fights negativity, can relieve stress, builds friendship and relationships, fosters generosity, eliminates envy and jealousy, grows life satisfaction and peace of mind. The author adds that grateful people do not feel entitled, manipulated, take things for granted, or feel they are owed.
The virtue of gratitude grows with practice. The Jesuits, following the lead of St. Ignatius Loyola, suggest “examining our conscience” daily to see where we messed up. They encourage an “examination of consciousness” where we review the day and recognize the gifts, the favors, the blessings we received and are grateful. And we can or should do this every night. It can be helpful to make a mental list of gifts, for example, physical and mental health and healthcare, family, a home, education, friends, employment. Then make a list of those who have given us those gifts. Doing this helps us deliberately reflect on what we have and on those who are supporting us in some way or in many ways. Do husbands and wives thank each other for their marriage? Children for parents, parents for their children? Do we thank teachers, pastors, doctors, and nurses? In other words, our personal worlds may be filled with gift givers who deserve thanks. The habit of gratitude, the character trait of thanks, allows us to see almost instinctively a gift and to recognize the gift giver. That can be such a sane way to live.
Do we thank God? Woman and men of faith probably do. The Protestant theologian Soren Kierkegaard defined faith as “a passion for the impossible.” That gift changes my perspective. I see my existence, my life, my relationships, all that I have, as a providential gift to me from a God who watches, cares, loves, protects, heals. For that I am very grateful and give thanks. The constant command in the Bible is this: What you have received as a gift, give as a gift. To give away what one is receiving sets me free from obsession with self and what I have or what I want. St. Paul urges all of us: “Learn too to be grateful … whatever you are about, in word and action alike, invoke always the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, offering your thanks to God the Father through Him.” (COL 3:16,17)
As alumni of Providence College, are we grateful for a college education? Do I or have I thanked parents who made college possible? Faculty and staff who teach, guide, support, encourage? Dominicans have been and are an essential part of Providence College. For more than 100 years, friars have offered their lives to students, to their education, to their personal growth, to their spiritual lives. Some of those friars were very talented, others modestly gifted. Still they did their best to serve. In our campus cemetery there are over 120 friars buried. They all died trying to give gifts.
I am an elder Dominican at Providence College. I am grateful for the many students, parents, faculty, and staff who have been so good to me over the years. I am very grateful for my life and the gifts given to me. Sometimes I wonder if I am God’s favorite! I would really like to grow in the virtue of gratitude so that before I die, I see everyone and everything as a gift. I am not yet where I would like to be in that virtue. One of our great spiritual writers, Meister Eckhart, O.P., once said: “If the only word you ever say is thank you, it is enough.” Great advice.
Father Quigley has been associated with Providence College as a teacher, administrator, and chaplain for more than 35 years.
